Natural disasters, such as recent floods in Calgary or the wildfires in Arizona, are an excellent reminder for us that there are some things that are simply beyond our control. Such events always remind me of Stephen Covey's circles of influence and concern. I have always thought of things or events as belonging in one of three circles: things I can control, things I can influence, and things that concern me but I have no control over. Reminding myself of these circles keeps me from spending a lot of time worrying about things over which I have no control or influence. Remembering these circles ensures that the time and energy I spend has at least the possibility of obtaining results.
The center circle in the image on the left is the circle of control...those events or things in my life where I, and I alone, have direct control over the outcome. Examples of this include how I approach my health (diet and exercise), how I choose to spend my free time, or how I will go about completing a work task or project. The middle circle is the circle of influence...those events or things in my life where, although I do not have total control I can influence the outcome. Examples would include things like family finances, where we will go on holiday, other people's opinions, or how I will obtain approval for certain aspects of a work project. The outer circle represents things over which I have no control or influence. Examples would include things like natural disasters, whether or not it will rain today, the state of the economy or budget decisions which may impact my project.
The best reason for choosing to focus our time and energy in the inner two circles is that in the end, our stress is lowered and change happens. Time and energy spent in the outer circle yields no result: I can worry about rain or fire or flood every minute of every day, but it will still happen. On the other hand, if I center my time and energy on things I can control and influence, I do obtain results. I can choose to become healthier by modifying diet or exercise and obtain results that are directly the result of that choice. I can choose to make my preferences known regarding a holiday destination, and influence the ultimate decision of where we will holiday. In each case, because I obtain some result, direct (weight loss) or indirectly (my perspective shared and understood) not only is stress lowered, but I feel better about myself as well. It seems that whenever I feel my stress increasing, my tolerance decreasing and anger and frustration hover just below the surface waiting to explode through at (usually) the most inopportune times, it is because I have allowed my time and energy to be lured into the circle of concern. I am at my best when I direct my time and energy to the inner two circles and focus on those areas where I can make a difference. Ultimately, isn't that what we all want to do?
